I'm going to be honest and straightforward here. After the Taiwan trip, I already knew my 'shelf-life' in spas was about to expire soon. In the first place, I was ever only really closer to Wendy among the spas. Before the trip, Wendy was like telling me to join her in the trip cause she don't want to be the only girl with CY and Edwin and asking me not to ps her. Voila! Who would have known she and CY would end up together? And with CY and Edwin insisting on taking SQ there though any other cheap flights would have sufficed. For my 3 years of bloody troll hardwork in SP, they gave me $1000 and I spent 3/4 of it on the air ticket. And ya, back to Wendy and CY. Of course, I am truly happy for both of you (despite the massive initial shock haemorrhage), but if the tickets weren't booked and the trip wasn't confirmed, over my dead body would I have gone. Why am I always stuck with in a situation with like 1 couple + 1 guy whom I totally don't have anything in common? Edwin was like telling me to STFU every other minute or totally avoiding to sit next to me on the 'mrt'.

It was definitely fun being with you guys, but all feasts must end. Or maybe I just ate alot faster than everyone else. Money issues, I would say only made a small contribution. Every time I hear you guys talking about taking the cab home/elsewhere, wincing when I mention I don't want to play mahjong with money, or "er-ing" the loudest when I say to eat at 'foodcourts' I kinda feel like I'm shortchanging you on your deserved 'enjoyments'.

Which part of my previous post made you guys look like the bad guy? You yourself said 'lifestyle differences'. I wasn't even blaming anyone for anything.

I did have the intention of asking everyone out after my exams. That's what I did with my Massey Classmates. Just that CY asked me first instead and then never replied after that misunderstanding other than that 'ok'.

Since when did I blame you guys for not asking me out for anything? Don't put words into my mouth. I've already told you guys I can only try to make it for birthday celebrations, and I'm perfectly fine with the arrangement that you only inform me for such events. Why are you making it sound like you guys are 'tolerating' my absence when you guys aren't?

For the birthday thing, I did tell CY I'd only be available after the 20th. And FYI, there isn't a single day I'm available. When I know in advance that there is some gathering I will arrange all my work (school + every of my part time job) such that I will be available on that day okay? There's never a day when I can actually do nothing at all. Again, why do you keep saying I'm blaming you guys for not asking me anything? Did I ever send anyone of you a msg saying "Hey why didn't you call me out for XXX on XXX??" I seriously don't remember that. I know you people know I'm busy, and I also know you guys know I'm going to be rejecting you for outings if it's just watching a movie or dinner etc. So why would I be getting any angry if I'm not asked to anything? It's just too bad that I can't go and I accept that!

No I wasn't angry when I typed that. Ok, maybe I shouldn't have used the word lavish. For a start, you and perfect Mum are certainly more thrifty than anyone else I've met.

That is probably not true.

Yes, well said. Many of the outings I couldn't really find things to talk to you guys anymore. You guys met up so often that you guys always end up talking about your other outings. Of course, that's my fault to begin with. So all the more I shouldn't really be existing there.

Actually, I was saving up for my Japan trip which every single cent is from my pocket. Air tickets, winter clothing, practically everything. (Yes Jin I am blatantly admitting I went to Japan lol! It was just way too obvious, the things I was typing in Japanese.) If I didn't have to save up, I probably wouldn't have sunken into the world of the poor since I was earning quite a fair bit from work, and could probably afford to pay you and CH the money back immediately and not created this mess.

And if you say I'm the lavish one going to Japan and all, then you really don't know me well. If there's something I need to do before I die, it's this trip. I repeat again, every single cent used for the trip - I earned it. Ok except that my Mum sponsored the backpack. I didn't go Japan because I had money to spare - I could only go after working like a troll.

Sorry, maybe I'm just mistaking you all for Mouse. And I can already hear him saying "STFU!" after reading this.

Honestly, forget the whole lavish thing if it so pisses you off. The bottomline is, I don't think I belong in the same world with you guys. I'm not even angry with you guys or anything, honest. I have my own dreams to pursue in my own world. Anyway, there was one blog post which I did say this year's birthday would be the best and the last (was in Japanese). I'd be gone before you know it by my next birthday. Sorry that it had to turn out this way (why am I even apologising when it was my birthday?!), but in any case the parting is just 1 year early.

Hoho o that's nice though I rarely updated anyway. Yes I do still read everyone's blog once every month on an adhoc blog-reading day, including yours. And just a word of caution, you never know when your potential employer's reading your blog.

Depth of a friendship isn't judged by the number of years known of each other. And yup I was indeed at my classmate's birthday party instead now that you remind me. Why? If I'm not wrong you guys changed from Saturday to Sunday instead for the celebration, and it is only fair that I go to the one which I promised first.

And you shouldn't really be expecting much from me because when pz tried to invite you to her bday party through all channels possible i.e. facebook, mail, msn you totally ignored her. You could have at least declined. Certainly you knew pz longer than you knew the Spas people huh? If you're going to refute this, refute it at her blog instead. You do owe her some sort of explanation.

Actually, when I commented that only XY remembered my bday, I wasn't sad at all. It was actually like meant to be a sarcastic meaningless statement, period. Every year, only you and XY would sms me. Yingxia never did once wished me happy birthday for the past like what? 3 years? Neither was I expecting any of you to remember, because I know people do forget birthdays. I do too, very often in fact. And I'm not some birthday-wishes grubber. I appreciate people who give wishes, very nice of you thank you, but if you don't - seriously it doesn't matter.

Yes thanks Wendy for trying to see from my point of view, I appreciate it. But like what I replied to ZW, we're already of different worlds if you haven't realised. Not that your world is weird or different, I chose to create my own world to live in which not just spas, but probably nobody else could really find the entrance to.

It's better that I reply to your blog entry instead of your comments, and you'll know what I mean (I hope).

I can only say that my priority in life is neither friends, fame, fortune and status, but rather achieving the things which I need to do before I die. I guess that'd categorise under the "themselves" you spoke of. Of course I'm not dying soon or anything, (but then again, who can assure?), but my religion is to live each day as though the last.

And unfortunately, to do most of the things on my 'list', money is needed. I know people might think I'm some 见钱眼开 money-addict, but I'm more determined to get the things I need to get done than really stocking up on money in my bank. If I'm perfectly happy with my life I wouldn't care less for money. Anyway, I've kicked my shopping addict. I hope O_O.

I've been a loner since birth and will always be. Much as it seems like I do have some friends here and there, how many are actually even close to me? We can laugh and joke about superficial stuff and have fun, but at the end of the day, it's just van der waals forces and not a covalent bond. Of course, I was the one who chose to keep a distance from people. Every time I meet a new person, I'd be opening doors but laying the brick walls, if you know what I mean. Anyone who knows me would agree. To everyone: "Are you close friends with me?" Most probably not.

So yes, I am the type who can live without friends. 99% of people probably can't fathom why, but that's just the way it is. It sure is boring, but I won't like die from it or anything. And please don't say I 'dispense' my friends when they're of no use. In the first place, it doesn't mean that people who can live without friends will be having some ulterior motive when they make friends. At some point of time in life, there will definitely be a loss of contact due to one reason or another. That isn't exactly 'discarding' of friends is it? Lol I do have a tendency to move on quickly though - friends come friends go! That's life! If one day they come back, by all means!

As for your last two sentences:

And Jin, don't worry, I will never forget the days of ORC too. It's scary to think about how 3 of us have undergone unrecognisable changes, in our own ways. Maybe one day we'll meet each other again, and pick up from where we left during our secondary school days. だよね？