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Hi Spas! this blog post is dedicated to you guys, though I don't think anyone of you reads my blog anymore other than Jin! And maybe perfect mum. Sorry about this, because I didn't know the sms-es I sent would be misunderstood by you guys. Well anyway, here's how it went on Facebook: XY to Me: "heyyy happy 21st! =) ..." Me to XY: "Thanks perfect mum! Been long since I called you that! You're the only spas who remembered my bday!! How touched~~ :D:D Mum indeed ^^ Thanks again!" I said that because only XY wished me happy birthday on FB, and none other sent any sms-es or left a FB message. Of course, I still hoped that my phone was being cranky again and not receiving all the messages I was supposed to. Then CY commented: "lol, may. i'm quite surprised u actually said such things about us. if we did forget about your birthday we wouldnt even have asked you out. the only reply we got was a cold and harsh one - u asking us to repay your debts amongst spas as our "present" for you. how are we suppose to react to that? still pretend nothing happened and wish u a wonderful 21st? i'm afraid not." Er. So hence this blog post because I felt the absolute need to clarify things. 1. CY, you are too sensitive. 2. I didn't reply with a cold and harsh message, I was quite touched that you asked me out for dinner so early in advance! I believe my message had exclamation marks and I was in no way feeling pissed off that you're asking me out for dinner. I didn't like say "Not free. Please help me pay zw and ch the $$ I owe them as my birthday present.", did I?! Ok I found the message, here's what I typed: "Haha Erm thanks but the next available date I have is actually 20 dec! Btw I think I still owe ch and zw some money. I guess for my 'present' you guys could pay them instead will do. Thx! " Seriously, I don't know which part was cold and which part was harsh. I sincerely didn't want you all to spend money on my present especially when I still owe CH and ZW money for other people's presents. It's not fair to ZW and CH nor when my 'contribution' to other people's present was still owing to both of them. And since I didn't help in organising any outings or buying people's present etc., I think it's okay for you to not get me anything. I didn't really think of it as asking you guys to 'repay my debts'! I just thought since you guys probably won't know what to get me, it'd be easier for everyone like this? Besides that, I only owe zw and ch maybe about $50 total, and you guys would usually buy presents that goes up in hundreds? I just don't feel like I deserve something so expensive from you guys so the '$50 present' would suffice? Instead, CY your reply was a mere "ok." and I thought it was quite strange. Your facebook reply was very harsh too, just so you know. Especially when my birthday was only three days ago. I did want to have the dinner with you guys, but I guess not now. ------ I do believe that everyone's 21st should be special, so I made the effort and time to come for spases' birthday celebrations despite my crazy schoolwork which piles on me like an avalanche. I did join for Yingxia, CY, Edwin, and XY's birthday celebrations. CY, to thank you for your organising efforts, I especially tried to buy you something different from the rest - I wanted to buy G2000 vouchers for you at first cause you just started school and I thought you'd need some new clothes for presentation and stuff. But my friend told me Capital Mall vouchers are better cause they 'bao ka liao' including G2000 at J8 and PS, so hence the capital mall vouchers. And sorry I couldn't make it for those birthday celebrations after August because all the modules after August were just crazily insane and I had to work full-time on weekends because I needed the money urgently. I know you think that you have school too and you guys managed to still get time out, but trust me, my degree course is no joke. It's a 4-year course packed into 2 years, and when I say it's twice as busy, it really is. Ok, all comments about the sms-birthday-debt saga as above. Anyway, thanks spas for the good memories since Sec 1 till now.  I guess ever since our paths differed after Sec 4, it was like a loose thread which couldn't stop running off the fabric. You guys belong to the SQ class and me forever the one on JetStar - or worse, Tiger Airways. I can't keep up with your lavish lifestyles with just an allowance of $100 per month! But I don't hate being poor. I have learnt to earn money under tundra conditions, and truly appreciate the value and rewards it gives for my hard work and perseverance. Someday you will too. 私達はここまでです。 それから、おのおのの道で幸せになろう！ サヨナラ。 | |
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no offense to the previous 2 anonymous comments, but I wonder if anyone else but spas knows the entire life of the story of spas :)
Hmm ok to start off I think I should help clarify spas's stand regarding the issues brought up. Pardon me if I make any errors though.
I think we were upset that you thought we forgot about your bday - well, esp when Cy actually wanted to plan sth for your bday. So the comment made us feel like we haven't done anything. And that kinda hit the bad spot.
Maybe we should have commented on FB though, but then again, we arent too specialised in tagging on walls you see. Haa~
Perhaps there was miscommunication, perhaps we read things wrongly. Presents may have lost their meaning, to one or another. Perhaps to me, presents should represent sth special, esp when its a special 21st. I think it really isn't the amount that the present holds but the value to the receipient. To be honest with u, I have <$30 for the rest of the month but I was prepared for ur present. Deficit or how. Maybe to spas, it really isnt about repaying the debts you see. Should anyone be able to explain this clearer please do it hahah, I'm getting confused myself.
In any case, I think we understand your perspective now. Hope you do about us!
Hmm I do want to thank you for making the effort to come down to some of the celebrations, and outings. Pardon me if I remember incorrectly, and also my pettiness, but I think during my birthday celebration, you weren't able to attend cos u were attending another friend's birthday. To be honest, I was hurt. I thought after being friends for so long and even best of which for regretfully only a few years, you might turn up.
Maybe, that felt like how you felt when you thought only xy rmb your bday. I think, maybe 100x.
I know how petty I sound over such a small issue, the rest may think. It wouldnt have suck so much if it wasnt that you were busy at another friend's bday.
But that aside.
I ought to agree that spas have gone to SQ std places for dining probably all too often for most of us may afford. Had, actually. We kind of stopped visiting those malls and movies for awhile. And you're right, friendship shouldnt be judged on how many fancy meals we had together, or even how often we have met up. I think we have neglected to appreciate each and everyone's presence.
If I may speak for spas, we really appreciated you coming down for outings. Even previously on low budget days. I think its really scary if we lose a potentially lifelong friend just cos they thought it was a lifestyle difference. Spas isnt that atas right? o.0 we only go for good food for major celebrations. And in fact our good food is like, sushi tei?
Just come down! No need eat also ma. Can jian fei together too. Talk n catch up! Why eat SQ food when we can take boat go bintan, or phuket. After all like they say, its the company that matters.
I think at our old age already, we should all know how to give and take. Low budget meetings like mahjong or cheap supper for low budget days. High budget no money then eat cheaper food! Like when i'm gg through deficit haa~
I think its the effort made ba. On everyone's part.
You've been a really dear friend to me, May. I apologise for having losing you, or lost already. You probably don't wish to see spas anymore after this saga, but I think deep down we could have friends for so long meant we can all be great buddies.
Money, huh. Root of all evil. But how do we all live without it. Haa~"
I have so much complicated thoughts running through my mind right now. I will try to put it down here.
A few years ago I tried to be a prophet and jokingly passed a comment that spas would slowly 'disintegrate' as people start going on different paths.
Of course then i was only kidding - and that's because we were still hanging out frequently despite differences in our schedules. And of course, our outings were surely far from being 'lavish'. Come on - we ate at fast-food restaurants and food courts most of the time, caught movies, played pool, sat around at cafes. The most lavish thing that i remember doing was to have an ice cream fondue at the esplanade, but still its around $40 split amongst 6 people.
If not, we played board games and mahjong at each other's houses. I hope we didn't come across as materialistic and rich friends of yours to other people, and I don't think we deserve to be compared to SIA. In fact, I'd only insist that we're already budget airliners, and perhaps you chose to fly in another way.
I hope you enjoyed our company. Its a pity that one could lose friends over money issues. Friends are invaluable. If I were you, I could have went all out just to fix myself a dose of friendship goodness. Without robbing the bank, of course.
I have so much thoughts but I guess I'll just cut the crap.
Touch my heart, I don't like it that we look like the bad guys here, while the other friends of yours could go on and support you.
Here we are, organising a gathering after another, only to get rejected by you most of the time. Despite all that, we never truly gave up asking you out. I wish you could touch your heart and ask yourself what have you done for spas. Couldn't you suggest to CY that, maybe, after you were done with your exams, we could have a belated birthday celebration? And maybe, since you would have more free time then - that you could take the initiative to ask everyone out?
Is that all a friend could do?
But even then - we have been so easy-going. Or at least myself. Others that weren't, were at least tolerant. We are very human. You can't blame us when we stopped asking you out - that you friends are disappearing like pandas.
I remember when I was small, the teacher would ask how many people don't know how to do this certain question. When almost the whole class rose their hands, the teacher asked, instead, how many knew."
But we still asked sometimes - you were invited, without a doubt, to all our 21st birthdays.
We have done our part as friends. We tried. Im not trying to defend us because we're all part of spas afterall. I don't think I have any right or knowledge to lecture you in the definition of friendship, but I do believe that part of it is about 'give and take'.
If you could only take and not give, then you could only hope that your friends are very nice and patient people, and hopefully those adjectives could tend to infinity. But at times, people do get tired, people do get ridden with their own problems too.
I hope you didn't type the last paragraph (the one in English) in a fit of anger. I hope that, that will not be the way that we will be remembered. For a start, I still wear that shirt i wore that day to the zoo, and I still use that bag. I feel insulted to be branded as lavish. I work on weekends too.
And perhaps so would the rest be insulted. We spend like $10 on average of most outings? On bad days when you repeatedly lose 5 Tai to that lucky mousey, maybe it'll double.
Please allow me to rephrase that last paragraph from my perspective on what it should be:
"I guess since our paths differed after Sec 4, I chose to sit on the loose thread would ultimately run off the fabric - we simply couldn't catch up with one another. I know you guys belong to budget airliners, but even then I could never afford to fly. $100 a month is barely enough for me to survive. I don't hate being poor, but I do hate not being able to go out and enjoy with my friends because of that.
That would sound better. Your version sounds unlikely of spas. The lavish word really gets to me. It is igniting my nerves. Do the spas you know of not appreciate hard earned money as well?
How could you dedicate a post to me and insult me? But im not angry, honestly. Im quite amused. You can't hear my tone by reading off the screen.
You may feel that CY was cold and harsh, and quote every word he said and you said and this and that and this and that and this and that and this and that - but at the end of the day, CY has done nothing but give to spas. Almost all of the outings were organised, if not initiated, by him. Actions do speak louder than words. If you were in his shoes, you would 200% have felt the 'Twice-The-Same'. If you know what I mean.
But then he has really big shoes.
Im really tired now, and i feel nothing but disappointment."
I just want to say that ORC will always be a significant influence on who I am, no matter how similar or different I am now from my fifteen-year-old self.
I can still remember clearly the three of us sitting in Ziqian's living room doing that specific velcro project, our teenage opinions on certain members of the class, the joke involving the line "tape your ears".
And of course, the mugging sessions at Toa Payoh CC and ban mian for lunch with Ziqian during the 'A' level period.
These memories are important to me. The degree of their importance has not lessened with time.
I should not have to apologise for being the sort of friend who is there not "never really there", because that is the way I handle my interpersonal relationships and it is only my hope that it will not burden or tire the other party involved with me, but I am sorry.
You can call me in the middle of the night if you so wish when a life-changing event happens and you are at a loss and just want to sound an old friend off. I can do those sort of thing.
Even the classmates I eat lunch with on a daily basis? They are not special in the way ORC is special to me, even if I never said a word for two years to either of you.
I know this is method of handle relationships is not what many people are used to, but it is me. You can take my heart and guard yourself against the cold or you can leave it on the table it is up to you, for it is there and I have no say what you do to it and I am perfectly okay with that.
♥"
(Typos be the death of me.)"